Why I Hate The Silence

Alexxa Garcia De Marcos, Writer

Nothing has ever bothered me as much as the silence I hate. The unpleasant and gut wrenching feeling of being alone even when you’re not. Many people, including my parents, think I’m making it all up in my head, and that nothing that small and simple could be capable of causing me so many problems. I myself can’t even believe it as well.

Growing up in a Mexican household meant there was never silence; there was always some sort of noise. If it wasn’t music blasting from the radio at 7am, then it was my family yelling at each other to get ready for the hundredth time. And, if it wasn’t that, then I assumed something was wrong.

I really did have a great childhood, but COVID caused the worst three years of my life. I know I’m not the only one out there who feels like this. From what I remember, I was a happy child usually telling jokes every now and then, and I loved seeing others smile. Although I know I didn’t suffer as much as many others did, I did get diagnosed with depression and anxiety from losing people who were close to me. I’ve asked others about how COVID affected them and most of them feel the same way.

According to the internet, sedatephobia describes the hatred I have for the silence. The internet also provides examples of the feeling of sedatephobia, such as constantly experiencing panic attacks, sweating, shortness of breath, nausea and anxiety. The phobia has recently increased during the past few years. There is a reason why I panic when I hear the word test. Maybe it can be because I’m not prepared for the subject, but I worry more about the fact that I’ll have to sit in silence for an hour or even longer.

Although I said no one seems to understand, Ms. Morris is one of the people I’ve met who understands my feelings. Whenever I enter her classroom, it’s as if I entered a safe place when I hear the sound of music playing. Even if it’s a small thing for her to do, I really appreciate those who make an effort to make others feel safe in their surroundings and in their head.

Mental Health Awareness month exists to let others around realize the things some of us go through. This is a reminder to check up on those friends, strangers, or family members even if they don’t need it. You never truly know what goes on inside a person’s mind.

And remember that “happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if only one remembers to turn on the light” (Albus Dumbledore).