The day I’ve been dreading finally made its grand entrance this week. It’s officially Valentine’s Day, and like the previous years I’m alone once again. Seeing the couples around school receiving flowers and chocolates makes me sick. Yes, you may think I’m just being self absorbed, and that I should be happy for those who do have a special someone in their life. But I don’t, and no, I’m most definitely not jealous.

I’ve never exactly had what they call a “glow up”. For as long as I remember I’ve been

the same since the beginning of sixth grade. Growing up in a small town was no help at all as well. I basically grew up with the same people. I’m what they would call an observer. That’s how I lived most of my life, always doing my best to avoid conflict or any attention towards me. Maybe that’s the reason I have no friends…but I thrive better that way.

That all changed after I met him. It’s crazy how one single person can change your life. We first texted on October 1st.

-Hey can you help with the english homework. 

                                                                           We didn’t have homework…-

-ohh lol sorry then but anyway, how are you ?

                                                                           Im ok.-

                                                                          (Seen)

Did I forget to mention I’ve never actually held a long conversation with someone. Now that I realize it I should’ve responded in a better way. I was so mad at myself for the rest of the day. I couldn’t believe it, he actually left me on seen. I couldn’t hang on to it forever, so eventually I let it go. At this time school was about to start, I jumped out of my dad’s truck and waved him goodbye. I reached my first class of the day when I noticed we were switching seats. To my luck I was seated next to him. Kendric Larson, a boy with a smile that could light up an entire room. His friends on the other hand, were not so great. It’s always disappointing when the nicest people hang out with the wrong group. Of course I knew him, but we have never actually talked until today.

“Hey” said Kendric

I turned around slowly to make sure he was actually talking to me, trying to avoid the embarrassment of being wrong. To my surprise he was. He was staring at me waiting for a response.

“Hi?” I said while already feeling myself slowly turning red

“Are you okay, your message seemed pretty dry last night.” said Kendric with somewhat of a concerned tone.

I tried my best to avoid eye contact and fiddled with my ring while trying to respond to the questions he would ask me. I couldn’t believe it. Is this a joke? Were his friends making a dumb bet, or could he actually be interested in the things I had to say? To my surprise the bell rang. It couldn’t be, did we actually talk nonstop for the whole period? I was packing up my stuff when I felt a hand stop me.

“Would you be down to hangout sometime?” Kendric said while awkwardly smiling towards the ground.

I responded with, “I’m busy,” which was a total lie, since all I ever do is stay home and rot away in my room. I saw the disappointment in his face. Now that I thought about it I should’ve said sorry to soften it out. I’m starting to wonder if i’m a people pleaser because once I saw that smile go away I quickly responded with, “But I’ll tell you when I can” with a smile and walked away for my third period.

To my surprise he wouldn’t let it go. Usually I would agree and never talk to them again but something was different about him, his presence made me feel at peace. Choosing a spot to hangout at was pretty difficult, I wanted us to be alone but not too alone to the point where silence filled the room. To be honest I don’t even know why I was panicking, because it’s not like it was a date or something. At least that’s what I thought. Stargazing is what we somehow ended up doing. Although there wasn’t much to see in L.A, It was still a beautiful sight. Every once in a while I would turn and see his soft face looking up at the night sky, which totally drove me crazy. Of course I won’t tell you everything we talked about that night, but just know I dont think I’ve ever felt that way before. Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve never actually experienced this feeling or also because he might be my first love.

Growing up my sister would tell me her love life every once in a while. I guess that was one thing I truly wanted in life. To experience life if I were in a rom-com. And I guess you can say I did experience it, of course in the imaginary scenarios I created in my head. I’ve never realized how time flies so fast when you’re enjoying life, but to my surprise it felt as if tragedy hit us unexpectedly, when the bell rang for lunch. And I was alone once again.